King Britt/ Not King Britt...Go!

A funny thing happened to Friend, DJ/Producer Philly's own King Britt in the late 90s. Marketers scrambling to connect with the hip Metropolitan progressive Gen-X demographic made him an unwitting icon. At the time Britt released the Sylk 130 project, a unique soul collective produced by Britt with local Philly talent. Completely different from the "jiggy era" hip-hop/r&b hybrids that ruled the day, it escaped mainstream acceptance and has become a cult fixation recognized as the genesis of what is now branded "neo-soul". 

Back to those marketers, they recognized the appeal of  a "black alternative" metropolitan lifestyle and the Afro Guy with Glasses (AFG) was born. No, he's not a B-boy* or Cristal popping Versace jockey, those belong to other campaigns. The AFG is thrift-store smart, always ready with a bon mot at the local cafe and has abandoned the threatening thug mug for a perma-grin. No gaudy Jacob the Jeweler for this guy, strictly wooden beads and the occasional brass Ankh. 

There he is in the Roxio ad, burning that Rufus f. Chaka Khan vinyl he copped from his mom's basement to CD. There he is again completing the pre-hipster tableau with Goofy Dreadlock Bicycle-courier White Guy and Asian Vegan Paint-smeared Smock Artist chick promoting health insurance. Is he a DJ? Who knows, but he always has those headphones around his neck, cans not earbuds, AFG always keeps it retro. King Britt is a DJ and wears glasses and typically maintains some form of afro, but that's it. The rest is a fabrication by pre-millenial Mad Men. There oughta be a royalty check for prototypes, though.

Continuing with this theme, I hope to excavate the archives, scan and post AFG's and the like as I find them. feel free to help via email. In the meantime, sharpen your skills with the above visual test. King Britt/Not King Britt...Go!

*B-boys have been exclusively Caucasian since 2000 see "Step It Up"**

** Better yet, don't.

 Answer Key: KB/NKB(FTHC)/KB/NKB(EB)/NKB(HH)/KB/NKB(AFG)/NKB(GD)

Personal Inventory: Nestle's Quik & Alternatives

"You make me sick, like strawberry Quik." House of Pain-Shamrocks & Shenanigans.

My favorite beverage before developing a lactose intolerance* was Nestle's Quik Strawberry. There was a ritual, a personal formula the whole nine. At the time, Quik was presented in a metal tin you'd open by wedging your serving spoon beneath the lip of the lid. I would use whole milk in a tall clear glass, never a mug or plastic tumbler. I would level my teaspoons (never tablespoons and never heaping). I would stir counterclockwise and I could tell by the general color the strength of that solution. 

In my travels around South Jersey and SE Pennsylvania in the back my Aunt Myrtle's station wagon we found obscure Quik alternatives/knock offs over time.

• PDQ was sold at a clearance outlet in Berlin Farmers market that exists to this day. PDQ of course is an acronym for "Pretty Darn Quick" making this a bold marketing stroke for the period. Similar product except PDQ came as granulated clusters where Quik is powdered. PDQ was presented in a glass jar with old fashioned ice cream parlor graphics and had the unique advantage of having an egg nog flavor in addition to strawberry and chocolate**.
• Pinch N Sip went further the length by eliminating the canister altogether. Pinch N Sip was powdered like Quik but came in a striped, sealed plastic straw like a Pixie Stick. You would first pinch the ends of the straw, releasing the sugar to milk, stir then sip. Hence Pinch N Sip. P N S had a slightly higher acidity than Quik.
• Then there was Crazy Cow which was General Mills just being lazy. As a sitting bowl of Coco Puffs will turn the milk brown and vaguely chocolaty, they applied the same accidental technology to Crazy Cow by making Corn Pops and applying a Quik-like coating too them. Yes, it's very stupid but If you're 5, it's the iPhone. Works out great if your kid eats cereal very slowly- s(he) doesn't.

*I also developed a heavy allergy to shellfish, eliminating monthly trips to Joe Gentile's Seafood Shanty. Puberty is wack.

**With chocolate milk readily available at all outlets Chocolate versions of these products were never an option, Banana Quik being a staple solely at hispanic Bodegas.